One of my fellow Weston-super-Mums, Lily the Pink, has created a new group on our Community site entitled Little Green Fingers, in which she's posted a link to the BBC's Dig In: Grow you Own Grub, being advertised on CBeebies, apparently. I don't know how I managed to miss it. Or rather I do because I don't get involved in CBeebies anymore. Oh yes, it still goes on twice a day in our house: just before pre-school and for an hour or so in the run up to bedtime. But I've just about managed to switch my brain off to it completely, otherwise I'd have to deal with Cerrie Burnell and her truly awful presenting skills, with her wide-open eyes and that tiresome gasping noise she does: please, please, give us a bit of variety, Cerrie! Go on! Treat us to an "Ooh" sound and, oh I dunno, a "Hoop-de-hoop" or something, anything.
But this I do like! The Dig In website encourages us to grow our own vegetables by sending out free seeds that should eventually produce courgettes, green salad, basil, carrots and french beans. I've never grown anything successfully: even the basil I've attempted in the past has always failed to get anywhere near my plate of Putanesca.
At primary school, we had a daffodil growing competition every single year from the age of 4 till 11 and so, every March, I got a certificate that said "Better luck next year." Not only did I never get the thing to flower but I hardly managed to coax out the tiniest stalk! And while, as an adult, my indoor plants don't die, neither do they thrive: my peace lily has been the same size since I was given it as a housewarming present about five years ago. I've got four indoor plants, all limp but hanging on and all gifted to me. I don't remember having ever bought a plant for myself. Ever.
I once had a garden and thought that it would be lovely to sit in it during the summer but I never did because the grass was so high that it sort of flopped over on one side. I've just never been interested, I suppose. Does that make me a bad bet for a mother? Celeste seems to be doing alright - I feed and water her, give her plenty of sunshine and fresh air, seems to work.
And now she gets to be nuturer and is already doing better than I ever have. For the second year in a row, at Funny Bunnies, she has planted and watered her own cress until it reaches the top of the plastic cup standing on our kitchen windowsill. She's tasted it too and both time has pulled a disappointed face, "Urgh! Don't like it, Mummy."
But now the time has come to show My Girl how our food is produced and, though I'm not doing it on the same scale as my brother, who bought an allotment last year and is reaping in a wide range of crops together with his four year old son, I can at least attempt a few courgettes and leaves of lettuce. So I've susbcribed to the Dig In on-line newsletter and sent off for the free seeds, which we will grow on our communal terrace (no! Of course we haven't got a garden, I ain't making that mistake again until we can afford a gardener and before I employ one of those, we need to hire a cleaner and someone to do the ironing).
The seeds should be with us soon and then the fun will begin.
Did I really just call it 'fun?'
I promise to let you know how